


The Curse of Promises

by corhahale



Series: Lonely Burdens [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depression, F/M, I'm Sorry, Its just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:50:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3535166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corhahale/pseuds/corhahale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week into Clarke's runaway from Camp Jaha and her thoughts about herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curse of Promises

She never understood.

When she was on the Ark looking down at Earth, she marveled at it and dreamt of how the wind would rush past her, picking up her hair or the feeling of fresh air, instead of recycled oxygen. The feeling of the sun’s warmth, the chill of fresh water, chirping of birds and crickets. She promised herself, if she ever got the chance to touch the soil of Earth, she would never take it for granted. That promise only strengthened with the death of her father but like everything else she broke it.

She took it for granted the minute Jasper was speared through the chest and she remembered thinking, this place isn't close to what she thought it would be. She realized, on the days when the Grounder’s were hunting them, that this place was a curse. Now she knew she was the curse of her people, never this place.

But now she’s alone, staring up at the sky where she called home, she felt the guilt washing over her. She can’t pinpoint the constellations anymore. It was so much more vast on the ground, than she had thought it was in the Ark. Looking up to that sky, she knew that couldn't accept the forgiveness anyone gave her. Not Ravens, not Octavias, not Jaspers, not her moms.

_Not even Bellamy’s._

She was back to the dropship, she wasn't going to stay for long, but she had found her feet taking her to their cemetery and kneeling in the damp soil. She was in front of Wells grave, carding her fingers over the heap of dirt that had began to sink into the ground. She didn't want him to sink further away, but he was gone and it was her fault. Just like everything else.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated the words like a chant, lying on her side facing the grave. She wanted the forgiveness of those she had wronged and that's when Clarke knew what she had truly taken for granted.

_Her innocence. Her compassion. Her moral compass._

A tear fell on the soil and it was the only emotion she showed, after picking herself and walking as far away from those she had cursed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is fic is in a series which I have already written about three more to, so there is a setup for this fic.
> 
> I personally understand what Clarke did, but I think it would be hard for her to accept herself.
> 
> This is just angst and I have no excuse for it. Cry with me on tumblr - motnymiller and yeah I'll probably post one a day or one every two days.


End file.
